Barack Obama wants Biden on a leash and why did I have to hear Wanda Sykes talk about Obamas nipples.
So we have further proof that life with the new president is going to be different than any other in history. Now don’t get me wrong I am not anti Obama and really could care less about race and politics. However now that we have Barack in the White House I am really enjoying sitting back and watching a whole new sort of train wreck in the early stages.
It is also interesting to note that we always seem to find some stupid over the hill dip shit to put into the powerful positions in this country. Hell, Barack himself finally had to quote on the stupid shit Biden keeps saying by sliding in the following cut at the dinner.
Our dear President summed up old Joes role by humiliating him with the following: “I’ve cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash. Every once in a while, he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. But enough about Biden.”
Damn Joe, not only do you have to play second fiddle to a president who jokingly compared himself with god during the dinner by claiming:
“I would like to welcome you all to the 10 day anniversary of my first 100 days…In the next 100 days, we will design, build, and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days…In the next 100 days, I will be so successful, I will be able to complete them in 72 days. And on the 73rd day, I will rest.
Now you have to be whittled down to a warm, cuddly, enthusiastic little bitch that is kept around to make the almighty presidents life and transition a little easier. On top of those two noble jokes Obama also kidded around saying his daughters were grounded for stealing Air Force One and doing a flyby on Manhatten- Hmm didn’t we already comment on something like this. He also hugged and kissed Hillary then joked that she wanted to give him the swine flu do to her recent return from Mexico. Damn all I could think is man power makes this bitch horny and that she would probably prefer a fit black president to old dick nose bill.
Not to leave Cheney out of the party he came up with the ever so clever: “Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.” Now as surprising as that all was the most surprising moment of the night in my opinion came from host Wanda Sykes who went over the line by joking: “It’s funny how they never caught you smoking, but they somehow always catch you with your shirt off,” Sykes said, referring to the numerous photos of Obama’s toned physique. “I know you’re into this whole transparency thing, but I don’t need to see your nipples … there was never a nipple portrait of Lincoln!”
Good old life in the white house is certainly changing and who the hell knows what is going to happen next.
I’ve really come to hate a certain word. It is said and implied so many times these days. Implied with words such as, “Moderate”, and “Center”, or even “Balance”. It is funny to me though, that every time, it is used by the ones on the losing side of a fight, to try to make one assume guilt for not letting another get their way. The word is “Compromise”. I’ve decided that compromise is my natural enemy. More so than someone being outright opposed to me. At least they have something they believe enough to take a firm stance on. Compromise to me, is just another way of losing. I’m not really speaking about “being right”, it is more of standing by principles. Like, if you’re up against competing ideals, how can you give up a small part of your ideal, and still have it be worth anything? Like, if you value something, and agree with somebody that it isn’t worth as much, how valuable was it to you in the first place? It’s like having a chef make you delicious spaghetti, and then putting shit sprinkles on it. Yeah it is really delicious spaghetti, but in the end you’re still eating shit. Am I making any sense here? At least in sports they’ve got it right. The only consession ever made, is at least made honestly in defeat. And neither side compromises their values. Not even in the case of a loss. In football, they’ll lose yardage due to penalties, not because they think the other team is right. I think this is what happened to us guys. I think that compromise is just a word made up, to make a loophole for the losing side to guilt the winning into losing after all they’ve worked for. It’s like robbery to me.
Like the great Vince Lombardi said, “Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.” Kick major ass everybody.
I love a good pork chop wrapped in bacon, stuffed with sausage and served on a nice bed of cubed ham just like the next guy and I have had it with the Swine Flu paranoia that is sweeping the planet.
My god is this country so eager to hear about anything but the global economic crisis and endless stories of families being evicted, retirements lost and huge bailouts that we grab onto a flu bug and create a worldwide panic to make ourselves feel better. I can see the writing on the wall just like the next guy as these new strains of antibiotic resistant bugs start to make there presence known but cannot stomach the way the media takes hold of any possible story and blows it all out of proportion.
In this case we have a Flu bug that has infected 898 people out of an estimated 6,777,512,404 according to the most recent estimates. Wholly shit how is this getting so much coverage? All across the country schools are shutting down and people are staying home from all activities. This is just what our economy needs right now the media scaring the shit out of everyone so they stay home and leave the struggling businesses empty because they are afraid of some flu that is so rare it should not even be on the radar.
Now before you all start bitching at me about an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure I want you to know I agree. But a small dose of common sense goes a hell of a long way on this planet that seems to decide reality based on whatever the local assholes on the news think will get us to tune in.
Lets go ahead and file the Swine Flu right along side of Y2K and whatever bullshit media craze they are cooking up next to keep the uninformed up at night and generating add revenue.
Note to self, time to build a website focusing on providing survival supplies, magical flu potions, x-ray glasses, and of course gourmet bacon because bacon makes everything better.
Air Force one- Slow and low that is the tempo, just be glad the rap music wasn’t and all the windows tinted.
As Air Force One buzzed the towering buildings of New York this week ala Maverick and Goose, I kinda rolled my eyes and thought, “That was dumb.” Then, I almost simultaneously had the thought, “That is kinda fucking funny.” I know, I know poor taste and all, but holy shit. How many times do we try to make our friends piss themselves? I can only wonder how many geriatrics and kids literally lost their mud.
However, this isn’t really the topic I wanted to talk about. One sec, hang with me. I can’t reach my beer.
The White house has released wussified statements basically of “We’ll look into it.” or, “We are going to investigate the Pentagon.”
What? Dude. You’re the mother fucking President. Not just “A” man. “THE” man. You’ll look into it? Ummmm. hmmmmm. This isn’t like some asshole went and took your car for a joy ride. I mean… Fuck it never mind. Investigate the Pentagon for not informing people this was going to happen? Hahahaha. Air Force One doesn’t call ahead for reservations. It is flying-fucking-Air Force One! It doesn’t make announcements on where it is, or where it is going to be. Like, ’cause, maybe that isn’t a secure way for it to transport the President of the USA?! Man. Why are you all making weak ass excuses? Are you worried about public opinion? Sad people might not like you? Mr. President. Man up.
I mean, you’re the mother fucking president son! I’d have loved to see a press conference like this, “Fuck yes I sent that low over the most famous skyline in the world. Haha, yeah, I did have an F-16 chasing it… OH I call BS, you’d do it if you could. Hmmm? Why did I do it? That is a dumb question. I did it, because I’m the most powerful man in the world. No, I’m not sorry. Next question… Was it dumb? Oh completely haha. Look, I said I’m not going to apologize. Why? BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENED! Come on people, chill the hell out. Oh really? You’re gonna kick my ass? Yeah? You and what army?”. Man. That would be awesome. Well, I guess I can hope.
So I can admit that women are changing in the world today but C’mon some crazy bitch has Derek Fisher and his family so freaked out that he has stepped onto a new court and asked for protection. Its not the protection normally associated with NBA players, Fisher wants help from big brother to save him from this crazy chick who is stalking him and the Fisher family. Okay, so I can see the need for some protection but damn man you make more than the entire police force combined. Can’t you hire someone to take this bitch across country and introduce her to Charles Barkley or something. Hell you and Sir Charles could be big and little brothers and Barkley is certainly going to be more open to the opportunity.
Give her a couple of Ruffies and tell her to slip them into the wine coolers and bear claws that “Sir Charles” seems so fond of. C’mon Charles bear claws, really you were caught with wine coolers and bear claws? Shit that has to be the most ridiculous bitch creating moment in recent history. Then you go on TV saying “Im Sworrry” those wine coolers go to my head and I know better than to mix them with bear claws. “Pweese fogive me so I can continia to talk about basketball on your tv”. Damn I would hate to see what kind of trouble Barkley would have gotten into if he would have scored some Mikes Hard Lemonaid or even ordered a fruity drink with an umbrella and a pretty piece of fruit smashed on the side.
Time to balls up man and grab a beer or god forbid take a shot or two. Maybe you can also consider downgrading from the bear claws and try keeping yourself to the plain old human size round ones with the hole in the middle. I know the hole makes you crazy because you feel like someone stole the heart of your donut but its okay man, really it will be okay after awhile you won’t even miss it.
So Fisher, save our public funds and ship the bitch to the wine cooler and bear claw loving “Round Mound of Rebound”.